Sometimes, you have to face the facts. There's no denying them, no getting around them, they're just in your face like a roundhouse kick in Stars N' Bars Zubaz. These, friends, are cold, hard facts. You'll learn a thing or two. 

The Truth

.

I'm going to be sick

Even though there's a picture of Dick Cheney here, I swear to god I'm not into politics. But even I have to get mad when I see

this

.

This whole "Cheney Shoots A 78 Year-Old Hunting Buddy Who Has Now Spiraled Into A Series Of Mild Heart Attacks Due To Shrapnel In His Bloodstream" thing has lead me to one burning question: If this were the WWE, what would Big Dick's theme music be? My vote is for Cypress Hill's "How I Could Just Kill A Man." I think my buddy Todd may have one-upped me, however, going with Saliva's "Click, Click, Boom." I'd like to hear what everyone else thinks he'd go with. Oh yeah, thanks to blogspot's own Patriot Boy (of whom I've never met and have no idea who he even is) for this picture that I borrowed of Cheney and his Dick. 

First Softball Post

I wasn't lying when I said there'd be softball logs in this baby. On Saturday, I played in a one-day tournament in the snow. It's held every year in Apple Valley, for their low-rent "Mid-Winter Festival", which is really an excuse for all the softball die-hards to get out of the house and away from their spouses/kids for half of a Saturday. My girlfriend came with me, as did my mother's dog Rocky, who was an ass. We won the first game 17-14, then proceeded to get housed to the tune of 38-3. I'm pretty sure the turning point in that came came at the top of the first, first pitch to the leadoff batter, who hit a drive to left that riccoched off a snowman in the front lawn across the street. That kind of hit will really rattle a guy. On the brightside, from a strictly selfish standpoint, I was 9-10 with 8 runs scored, one double and 5 RBI. So to date, here' how softball has played out, numbers-wise.

Team G W L RS RA +/-
-----------------------
Grizzly's 1 1 1 20 52 -32

Player G AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI TB BB OBP SLG AVG
--------------------------------------------------
Z.Brown 2 12 8 9 1 0 0 5 33 2 .917 .083 .900


So all things considered, it went well. One side note about Saturday--a guy showed up to the second game after not playing in the first one. And he didn't just show up, he showed up like an ass. He came in talking 8 different kinds of trash about how we're all rusty and being weak about the cold weather (which was 32, by the way--not cold) and so on. I take major issue with this for these reasons:

1. He was not there for the first game, thereby rendering all his comments moot.
2. He brought with him 2 younger guys to play, who were both giving him the "I don't really even know this guy outside of work, so don't blame me" look. They felt appropriately awkward.
3. He was on our team. I can't even get into this point anymore.
4. He sucked so bad. So so bad. Now, I don't care if you're good or not good, if you have fun playing, then welcome aboard. But if you suck, then shut up about other people. Make plays first, talk trash second. And if you're ever, ever, ever going to talk trash, do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, strikeout. Period.

To close the book on this guy, he was also that guy who picks a local sports team, and completely outfits himself head-to-toe with their apparel. Not a big deal to me, if you're at the game. But at a softball game, clad with ballcap, stocking cap over the ballcap, scarf, sweatshirt, sweatpants, turtleneck, jersey, and for good measure--in case anybody forgot what his favortie team was--t-shirt over the top. He wore this all at the same time, and I was confounded. Guess the team? Nope, not the Vikings--the Wild. Wow, that really confused me.

That's me....in the blue hat. Being held is my now-13 month-old Molly. I understand how one could confuse us.

Re:Mullets

Really quickly, before I head off to work, I'd like to point out a Mullet that's been in my brain since yesterday when I was watching "MNF: The List" on ESPN, which was a countdown of the top 36 plays in Monday Night Football history. I don't recall the number, but the play was when some yokel from Illinois leapt over the barrier and into the tunnel of the stadium where the players enter and exit to catch Kevin Butler's extra-point attempt. He had very poofy (is that a word?) and feathery bangs and shingled siding, all pulled loosey-goosey into a pony tail. This was accompanied by not one but two dangling-cross earrings (a la Jon Bon Jovi), white/black stone-washed jeans, British Knights, and a Miami sweatshirt where the lettering starts at your right bicep and ends at the left. Pretty slick getup, padre. My only problem? IT WAS 1995. He's a couple-5 years behind. Usually, in social trends, some things tend to have a little holdover--everyone knows a friend that was the last to quit tight-rolling their jeans. But this was ridiculous. Google it or see if you can check it out on either ESPN.com or abc.com, someone should have it. Worth a laugh.

First Post!

Welcome to 2004! (I just caught up, a couple-2 years later). If you're reading this, you're probably looking for something funny about Mullets. Well, I hope to comply with that, but this blog takes its name from Minnesota's greatest terrible D-League softball team, Shampoo Your Mullet. The season is a mere 3 months away, and already plans are being laid as to how we as a team can disappoint a city for yet another season. Worry not my bretheren, this blog will not be all-encompassing about my hilariously-named softball team, but rather all corners of relevant American life, like sports, television, cinema, and the award-shows that cater to them. Of course, once softball starts, expect a heavy dose of updates, stats, etc. that no one outside of our team really cares about. But hey, it's my spot. You don't have to read it.

Zach