Whip-Crack Went His Whipping Tail!

I kept waiting and waiting for Pete to send me the tattoo pictures from Stacey's birthday, so I could use them for the next update here so it would still be (reasonably) topical. Pete had a lot of schooling that takes most of his time, so we'll let him slide. Sometime they'll be here, and you'll laugh. You may not think so now, but you will.

I've been watching and listening to a lot of Dane Cook recently (again), and now my train of thought and sometimes my speech comes out like his--minus all the hilarity and most of the animation. I still contend that he is the second-funniest comedian alive right now, Number 1 being George Carlin. A lot of people will argue with me and say that Dave Chappelle should be there. Dave's a funny guy, he's not really a stand-up comic anymore. His show was hilarious, and Killing Them Softly ranks as one of the best HBO specials ever, but he's more of an actor than a comedian anymore. Plus, Dane Cook is just plain funnier than Dave. And please, anybody who reads this, keep Carlos Mencia to yourself. He's not funny, and his show is a direct rip-off of Chappelle's.

Speaking of shows, and due to the fact that I'm addicted to television, Lost has its Season 3 Premiere on October 4. I'm stunned by my affliction with this show--horribly overacted, over-the-top plot, and many nuances that seem a bit unreal (i.e. staying clean-shaven 60 days after the crash). But I've been hooked since the first episode. I can't stop watching it, and it's been killing me over the summer with no weekly installments. So October 4 is going to be a big day. I don't really watch any other shows on a week-to-week basis other than Rescue Me, and even that one I missed most of the last season. Weekly recaps of Lost are sure to be on the way.

I've been afraid to read the stories reporting Francisco Liriano's injury status, because I'm afraid of three words that are almost certain to be in every one: Tommy John Surgery. I don't want to see him have to go through it, and I don't want to have to go through it as a fan. I'm fine with the fact that he's done for the season, and I'll listen to any argument that he was rushed back. I just don't want TJS to actually happen. And I know, the list of pitchers who've had the surgery and gone on to have great careers is prominent--Tommy John himself never had a 20-win season until after his surgery--but you can look no further than Joe Mays to see that not everyone comes out squeaky clean when it's done. I was, however, surprised to see the names on the list, so I'll relay them to you and you too can be surprised (as compiled by Aaron Gleeman): Eric Gagne, Chris Carpenter, John Smoltz, Mariano Rivera, Billy Wagner, Paul Byrd, and David Wells, to name a few. Maybe it will be for the best, but it just makes me nervous.

Yesterday's loss had something intriguing outside of the fact that every game is a must: The first two Twins pitchers (Liriano and Matt Garza) are the reason that Alfonso Soriano has never put on a Twins uniform. Coulda had him for Liriano last year and Garza this year. Also, both pitchers were named Minor League Pitcher of the Year the last two years (Liriano last year and Garza this year). That Jim Rantz sure has a good eye.

The Vikings were fun to watch on Monday night. I think I'll like the new style of play, because it doesn't deviate too much from what they were successful with in the past. Brad Johnson can still, amazingly, through the deep ball without tearing his rotator cuff--and he does it fairly well, I might add. If Troy Williamson catches two more passes, the game wouldn't have been quite the thriller it turned out to be. But what made me happiest was the fact that Chester Taylor carried the ball 31 times and is not on the injury report. That had to be the hardest-earned 88 yards of his life. No Vikings running back has carried the ball more than 30 times in a game since Robert Smith did it in 1996--the year the current Yankees Dynasty got their first World Series win, to put it in perspective. The Orioles were a playoff team that year--that's how long ago that was.

My brother's wedding was this past weekend and was, of course, a blast. My extended family began rolling into town on Thursday night (which was when I got debilitatingly ill) for tuxedo pick-up, we golfed Friday morning (where I shot my best golf of the season, but that's not really saying too much) and barbequed Friday night (which most of the time was spent watching the Twins game), and had the ceremony and reception (reption) on Saturday (where most of the drinking took place). Travis and Heather were thoughtfull enough to give all the groomsmen a brushed-finish stainless steel hip flask, which I promptly filled with borrowed Jameson from the bar. Everything went smoothly until we hit an unexpected bump in the road in the form of the maid of honor speech. She's a very nice girl, we had a lot of fun both Friday and Saturday, but wow--the holding back of tears, the sappy stories, and the religion--I didn't see that coming at all. It was a solid three and a half minutes of sermonizing and quoting text. Impressive was her research, but holy shit. My speech followed immediately after hers, and I'm told that I was very funny. I freestyled the whole thing because a.) that's my nature (laziness), and b.) I was more concerned about drinking my free beer than jotting down a speech on a cocktail napkin. Short and sweet, a cool 45 seconds with lots of laughs and a couple of jabs at the groom, followed by a toast. But that wasn't all--after I was done (which is technically supposed to be the end of the public speaking aspect of weddings), Father of the Bride spoke, Brother of the Bride spoke, and Mother of the Groom (mom) spoke. All of which was fine, but unexpected and it really cut into Dancefloor Time. Oh well, the more time I spent behind the table was probably easier on the eyes for everyone than the time I spent "dancing". To top it off, as is my custom to end all weddings and receptions that Mandy (who looked beautiful, by the way), I got too drunk to drive, Mandy had to take the wheel, and I passed out on the way home. I think that streak is now approaching 10 receptions in a row. This is what happens when the Mex-Press reunite in a party setting:Senor Mejor on the left, Senor Calor on the right. Good times, baby.


Fricke's wedding is this weekend in Duluth and it should equal out to good times. I'm sharing a room at the Superior Shores Resort with 6 other people, so that should be interesting. I'm sure no one will do much drinking, because our time in Duluth is short and there's just too much to do. Bars probably close at around 10 or 11 p.m. in that sleepy little town anyway, so we'll probably just stay dry and remember what a wonderful experience we're having. Or we'll be loaded. Either way it'll be fun.

Pete and Stacey say I should start a spors blog and try to promote it for fun, because I "know more about sports than anyone [they] know." I told them that I tried that with the Baseball Blog, but it didn't work out and hasn't been updated since June. But now I have about two-to-three hours of afternoon freetime per day to write (i.e. today), so I think I'll give it a try. I don't know if I'll leave the Baseball Blog open or not, but a sports blog would be completely separate from the Baseball one (because Blogger hands out blogspace like promotional flyers for shitty bands). I'll need a clever name, though.