Diamond Cutters, D-League Style

I'm pretty sure I've accomplished a first in Burnsville Thursday Night Upper-D Competitive Men's League Softball. This last Thursday I was thrown at by the pitcher for Carbone's Pizza while standing in the batter's box. And he didn't throw at me like this--there was still backspin (which doesn't work) and a little bit of arc to his beanball. Story? I thought you'd never ask:

*Before I get into the events of last Thursday, a little backgound on the subject of this pitcher and my team is necessary. We've played this team 3-4 times and they are a good bunch of guys (Carbone's) with the exception of their pitcher. He trash-talks everyone on base like he's Micheal Jordan, argues every pitch called "ball" and every runner called "safe", and, most importantly, HE PITCHES FROM THE WINDUP AND THE STRETCH!!!!!! I don't know if I can emphasize that last part enough--a full windup with nobody on (or, more commonly, when the bases are loaded) and from the stretch-checking the runner(s) included-with runners on. Naturally, we go back up the middle on him, umpires hate him, and his teammates seem embarrased to play with him. He's awesome.*


The second part to Thursday's twi-night doubleheader involved the aforementioned Carbone's Pizza, and this blog's own Shampoo Your Mullet. SYM, as the visiting team, lead off the game. The first pitch of the game was called a ball, which sent their pitcher off on a tirade about how every strike zone is different (true) and how the game better be called as soon as it starts raining (more on this later). Two pitches later and Brandon is standing on first, recipient of the game's first walk.

I bat second, so in I stroll to the box. I dig in, take the first pitch, and smirk with delight as its called a ball. Same with the second pitch. Now, anyone who's ever played softball has seen the guy at the plate with 2 balls and no strikes on him do something generally ridiculous to offset the pitcher in hopes of drawing a walk. I'm no exception. With two balls and no strikes, I square around to bunt. From the stretch, I see his face get completely red. So he goes into his slide-step, and with a reverse-grip, throws a flat backspin pitch directly at my ankle. I pull the bat back, let it gently tap the bone, laugh loudly, and start the long walk to first base. "Pull that shit on me again and it's hitting the bat!" he told me. "Fine", I said, "you'll get a cheap strike on me". "No, it's coming overhand!" he says. "Really, from the stretch?" I ask, genuinely hoping that he storms over to me. "Fuck you, asshole, its coming for your head!" Anyone who knows me knows that I can't resist a good argument, especially if swearing and name-calling are involved. "What stopped you from doing it now, chickenshit? If you were going to do it, you missed your opportunity, son." By that time I had made it to the bag and the first baseman stepped in to get me to shut up (I did) and to calm his pitcher down (he didn't). I'm pretty sure that getting thrown at in slo-pitch softball is a first, although I could be wrong.

I said I would get to the pitcher wanting the game called, so here we go:

The weather was growing increasingly ominous as the first game ended and the second game started. As we were warming up for Game 2, he was calling for the game to be stopped because someone saw lightning 50 miles away. The ump said that we would play until the flashes were directly overhead, so not to worry about it. He then walked Kelvie, threw a fit and wanted for the game to be done, then beaned me and we had our little exchange. Finally, after Boeser smashed the first pitch to him right back up the middle after I got hit (thanks Dan), he tossed his glove over the fence and walked off the field. Which was exceptionally funny because that left them nine players instead of the standard ten. The third baseman came in to pitch, and the forlorned pitcher moved to third. Where he kept yelling at the ump to call the game because he had a $400 cell phone in his bag that, if ruined, was going to be paid for by the umpire. I can't tell you how funny this was--you really had to be there to hear and see it.

It ended up being a ton of fun that night--I played all spots in the outfield, turning in two diving catches and two misplayed balls, so they even each other out. I also pitched 4 innings, well enough to the point that I may pitch again this Thursday. I'm kicking around the idea of a running diary for this weeks game. I'm not sure, but updates will follow. Go Mullets!